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Ms A 31r

[31r°] It was a sweet moment for both of us. There were so many things to say that I couldn’t say anything at all, my heart was too full. Good Mother Marie de Gonzague was there also, giving me a thousand signs of affection; I saw the other Sisters, and in their presence [5] I was questioned about the grace I had received. They asked me if the Blessed Virgin was carrying the Child Jesus, or if there was much light, etc. All these questions troubled me and caused me much pain, and I was able to say only one thing: “The Blessed Virgin had appeared very beautiful, and I had seen her smile at me.” It was her countenance alone that had struck me, [10] and seeing that the Carmelites had imagined something else entirely (my spiritual trials beginning already with regard to my sickness), I thought I had lied. Without any doubt, if I had kept my secret I would also have kept my happiness, but the Blessed Virgin permitted this torment for my soul’s good, as perhaps without it I would have had some thought of vanity, whereas [15] humiliation becoming my lot, I was unable to look upon myself without a feeling of profound horror. Ah! what I suffered I shall not be able to say except in heaven!

 

While speaking about the visit to the Carmelites, I am reminded of the first visit which took place shortly after Pauline’s entrance. I forgot to speak [20] about it, but there is a detail that should not be omitted. The morning of the day I was to visit, I was thinking things over in my bed (for it was there I made my profound meditations, and, contrary to the bride in the Canticles, I always found my Beloved there), I wondered what name I would be given in Carmel. I knew there was a Sister Thérèse of Jesus; however, my beautiful name of Thérèse could not be taken away from me. All of a sudden, I thought


 

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