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Ms A 43r

[43r°] window was a table covered with a green cloth, and in the center were an hourglass, a small statue of St. Joseph, a watchcase, baskets of flowers, an inkwell, etc. A few rickety chairs and a beautiful doll’s cot belonging to Pauline completed my furnishings.Truly, this [5] poor attic was a world for me and like M. de Maistre I could compose a book entitled: “A Walk Around My Room.” It was in this room I loved to stay alone for hours on end to study and meditate before the beautiful view which stretched out before my eyes. When I learned of Marie’s departure, my room lost [10] its attraction for me and I didn’t want to leave for one instant the dear sister who was to fly away soon. What acts of patience I made her practice! Each time I passed in front of the door of her room, I knocked until she opened it and I embraced her with all my heart. I wanted to get a supply of kisses to make up for all the time I was to be deprived of them. [15] A month before her entrance into Carmel, Papa brought us to Alençon, but this trip was far from resembling the first; everything about it was sadness and bitterness for me. I cannot express the tears I shed on Mama’s grave because I had forgotten to bring the bouquet of cornflowers I had gathered especially for her. I really made a big fuss over everything! I was just the [20] opposite of what I am now, for God has given me the grace not to be downcast at any passing thing. When I think of the past, my soul overflows with gratitude when I see the favors I received from heaven. They have made such a change in me that I don’t recognize myself. It is true that I desired the grace “of having absolute control over my actions, of not being their slave but their mistress.”

 

 

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