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Ms A 67v

[67v°] simple. He wrote the letter over again and at the moment I was about to mail it, I received a letter from you telling me not to write and to wait for a few days. I instantly obeyed, sure it was the best way to make no mistakes. Finally, ten days before Christmas my letter was on its way! Convinced [5] the answer would not be long in coming, I went every morning after Mass with Papa to the Post Office, believing I would find the permission to take my flight. But each morning brought with it a new disappointment which, nevertheless, didn’t shake my faith. I begged Jesus to break my bonds; and He broke them, but in a way totally different from what I expected. The beautiful feast of Christmas arrived and Jesus did not awaken. He left His little ball on the ground without so much as casting a glance at it.

My heart was broken when going to Midnight Mass; I was counting so much on assisting at it behind Carmel’s grille­s! This trial was very great for my faith, but the One whose heart watches even when he sleeps made [15] me understand that to those whose faith is like that of a mustard seed He grants miracles and moves mountains in order to strengthen this faith which is still small; but for His intimate friends, for His Mother, He works no miracles before having tried their faith. Did He not allow Lazarus to die even after Martha and Mary told Him he was sick? At the wedding of Cana when [20] the Blessed Virgin asked Jesus to come to the help of the head of the house, didn’t He answer her that His hour had not yet come? But after the trial what a reward! The water was changed into wine ... Lazarus was raised from the dead! Thus Jesus acted toward His little Thérèse: after having tried her for a long time, He granted all the desires of her heart.

I spent the afternoon of the radiant feast in tears, and I went to see the Carmelites. My surprise was indeed great when they opened the


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