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Ms C 23r

[23r°] one’s own way. But this is still not the most difficult thing; what cost me more than anything else was to observe the faults and lightest imperfections and to wage a war to the death on these. I was going to say: unhappily for me! (but this would be cowardly), and [5] so I say: happily for my Sisters, since the time I took my place in the arms of Jesus, I am like the watchman observing the enemy from the highest turret of a strong castle. Nothing escapes my eyes; I am frequently astonished at seeing so clearly, and I find the Prophet Jonah very excusable when taking to flight rather than announcing the ruin of Niniveh. [10] I would prefer a thousand times to receive reproofs than to give them to others; however, I feel it is necessary that this be a suffering for me, for, when we act according to nature, it is impossible for the soul being corrected to understand her faults; she sees only one thing: the Sister charged with directing me is angry, and all the blame is put on me [15] who am filled with the best intentions.

I know very well that your little lambs find me severe. If they were to read these lines, they would say that it doesn’t seem to be the least bit difficult for me to be running after them, to be speaking severely to them when showing them that their beautiful fleece is soiled, or to be bringing them some [20] light tuft of wool which they allowed to be torn by the thorns along the way. The little lambs can say what they please; in the depths of their hearts they feel that I love them with a real love, that never will I imitate “the hireling who sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and

 

 

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