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From Pauline to her mother - March 1‑3, 1877.

From Pauline to her mother. 1st‑3rd March (?) 1877.

Darling Mother

I am happy to be able to come and talk to you for a bit. At the moment I’m at the infirmary but it’s not for anything very serious, however I have a boil on my shoulder which hurts very much… Since Aunt died I no longer have migraines, my pain has moved to this wretched shoulder…

I have just written a long letter to Marie, I should have begun with yours, dear Mother, but you won’t hold it against me if this one is less long… I’ve run out of ideas… That’s not to say however that I no longer think about my dear Aunt, oh I do, even more than (1v°) the day we were separated! My affection for her grows stronger and stronger. I still see her, she follows me everywhere and it seems to me that from the highest Heaven she is watching us all with love and that she will impart a shower of graces and blessings on her family.

And yes, dear Mother I saw her after her death, I saw this angel whom we miss and as I said to Marie this blessed picture is deeply engraved in my heart. How lovingly I kissed her icy hands; it seemed as though all my happiness was going to fly away with her… but the calm and resignation that I found in prayer and the affection of our good Mother and my dear Teachers soon came and soothed the pain that was so bitter! I find I’m not as alone as I imagined I’d be, far from it… moreover Aunt is always near me, while she was there only very rarely on earth.

(2r°) I hope darling Mother that your dark thoughts have disappeared… oh! How happy I would have been if you had seen dear Aunt. I assure you she wasn’t frightening, anyway saints can only leave good impressions…. Seeing her brought my strength back and since that moment I haven’t felt afraid, either by day or by night.

If only you knew dear Mother how good Our Mother is to me. It was she who decided to tell me about Aunt’s death. She spoke to me with such affection that it touched the very core of my heart, and she has allowed me to come and find her if I feel upset… I would like to be able to return all this kindness… but our Angel will take care of that… Sister Marie Louise de Gonzague puts me in the same dilemma, but Aunt will find enough riches in beautiful Paradise to pay all these debts which are growing daily, won’t she?

I would very much like dear Mother for you to write to me on Sunday if you (2v°) can. This would please me greatly for your last letter was so sad!... I received one from my Aunt in Lisieux this morning, she was very affectionate as always… But you, how are you dear Mother? Have you recovered a little? I’d really like to hear news of you.

Farewell dear Mother, accept a thousand tender kisses from she whom is doubly

Your darling little daughter

Pauline

(P. S.) Please dear Mother be kind enough to kiss Papa tenderly for me, as well as my dear little sisters and Louise.

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