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From Pauline to her mother - February 4, 1877.

From Pauline to her mother. 4th February 1877.

4th February 1877.

Dear Mother

Here I am finally a child of Mary! How happy I am to be able to bring you this news, I thought of you a great deal on the day I was admitted and I prayed for you all. My happiness would have been complete if Aunt had been well, I was hoping for it with all my heart, nobody could have taken this hope away from me, now I am obliged to submit myself to the God’s will because he didn’t want it. I went to see her immediately after the ceremony, it was during vespers, she was very (1 v°) happy to see me with the blue ribbon and the star I had longed for. Dear Aunt was better all that day. Today I saw her for a moment and she didn’t seem so well. It would seem that Father La Colombière does not want to be beatified. When I go to heaven I will ask God where his place is so that I won’t have to look for him for too long and when I find him I will very humbly ask him to be kind enough to listen to me for five minutes because I want to know why he didn’t heal Aunt and if his reasons are really reasonable…

To obtain a miracle, I was told I needed to have faith, well I can tell you that I had enough to move all the mountains in the world to the moon; never have I had such hope. The nuns and even our Mother seemed to have doubts. I was the only one believing and hoping, and that’s why Father La Colombière (2 r°) didn’t want to answer our prayers!!!...

I don’t want to say any more about this because if I had my way the whole letter would talk of nothing but Father La Colombière. It is good to share all this with you dear Mother because you see I can’t be happy until I’ve confided everything to you, only you understand your little Pauline perfectly!…

I hope you’re all well, that Léonie continues to be good and is persevering with her good resolutions, and are Thérèse and Céline still the two bouquets of the family? Marie will soon be 17 what a big girl she is! I hope she will be glad to hear that I’m two-fold her sister! I think of her often and I pray with all my heart that she’ll be happy in this life and the next where we’ll all be together again, what bliss! We won’t need to (2 v°) pray novenas to Father La Colombière to obtain healings any more… I’m going to end up having a guilty conscience because at the moment it seems that Father La Colombière is reading this letter over my shoulder. God let it not be so, I beg you. Oh good Father la Colombière if you are reading this letter don’t be too angry with me, I love you very much all the same but… but… if you had wanted… I would love you much more!!!...

What will you think of me, dear Mother?… What a strange letter I’m sending you! If I had the time I’d start it again… please don’t show it to anyone and whatever you do don’t send it to Lisieux (contrary to her wishes, Mrs. Martin would convey her daughter’s letter to Mrs. Guérin on 6th February (CF 187)), people would think I’m mad…

Farewell my beloved Mother, accept a thousand tender and affectionate kisses from me, please be kind enough to (2 v° tv) tell Papa that I still love him indefinably and that I often pray for him; give all my affection to Marie; tell Thérèse and Céline that I love them more and more; tell Léonie to continue being good and lastly as to you, dear Mother, I want to always be your darling petit Paulin. (that’s a lot of messages for you!!!)

Your little daughter,

Pauline child of Mary.

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