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Ms A 25v

[25v°] repeated this over and over again. It seemed it was I who was going to make my First Communion. I believe I received great graces that day and I consider it one of the most beautiful in my life.

I have fallen a little behind in recalling that delightful and [5] sweet memory, and now I must speak of the sorrowful trial that broke little Thérèse’s heart when Jesus took away her dear Mama, her tenderly loved Pauline!

I had said to Pauline, one day, that I would like to be a hermit and go away with her alone in a faraway desert place. She answered that my [10] desire was also hers and that she was waiting for me to be big enough for her to leave. This was no doubt not said seriously, but little Thérèse had taken it seriously; and how she suffered when she heard her dear Pauline speaking one day to Marie about her coming entrance into Carmel. I didn’t know what Carmel was, but I [15] understood that Pauline was going to leave me to enter a convent. I understood, too, she would not wait for me and I was about to lose my second Mother! Ah! how can I express the anguish of my heart! In one instant, I understood what life was; until then, I had never seen it so sad; but it appeared to me in all its reality, and [20] I saw it was nothing but a continual suffering and separation. I shed bitter tears because I did not yet understand the joy of sacrifice. I was weak, so weak that I consider it a great grace to have been able to support a trial that seemed to be far above my strength! If I had learned of my dear Pauline’s departure very gently, I would not have suffered as much perhaps, but


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