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Ms A 26r

[26r°] having heard about it by surprise, it was as if a sword were buried in my heart.

I shall always remember, dear Mother, with what tenderness you consoled me. Then you explained the life of Carmel to [5] me and it seemed so beautiful! When thinking over all you had said, I felt that Carmel was the desert where God wanted me to go also to hide myself. I felt this with so much force that there wasn’t the least doubt in my heart; it was not the dream of a child led astray but the certitude of a [10] divine call; I wanted to go to Carmel not for Pauline’s sake but for Jesus alone. I was thinking very much about things that words could not express but which left a great peace in my soul.

The next day, I confided my secret to Pauline; she considered my desires as the will of heaven and told me that soon I would go with her [15] to see the Mother Prioress of the Carmel and that I must tell her what God was making me feel. A Sunday was chosen for this solemn visit, and my embarrassment was great when I learned that Marie Guérin was to stay with me since she was still small enough to see the Carmelites. I had to find a way, however, to remain alone with the Prioress and this is [20] what entered my mind: I said to Marie that since we had the privilege of seeing Mother Prioress, we should be very nice and polite and to do this we would have to confide our secrets to her. Each one in turn was to leave the room and leave the other all alone for a moment. Marie took me on my word, and, in spite of her repugnance of confiding secrets she didn’t have, we remained alone, one after the other, with Mother Prioress.


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