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Ms A 52r

[52r°] Superior was not giving his consent to my entrance until I was twenty-one. No one had thought of this opposition, and it was the most insurmountable of all. Without giving up hope, however, I went myself with Papa and Céline to pay him a visit, trying to change his mind by showing I really had a Carmelite vocation.[5] He received us coldly; my incomparable little Father joined his insistence to mine but in vain. Nothing would change the Superior’s attitude. He told me there wasn’t any danger in staying at home, I could lead a Carmelite life there, and if I didn’t take the discipline all was not lost, etc., etc. He ended by saying he was only the [10] Bishop’s delegate, and if the latter wished me to enter Carmel, he himself would have nothing to say.I left the rectory in tears, and fortunately my umbrella was able to hide them as the rain was coming down in torrents. Papa was at a loss as to how to console me. He promised to accompany me to Bayeux the moment I expressed my desire to go there since I was determined to do all within my power, even saying I would go [15] to the Holy Father if the Bishop did not want to allow me to enter at fifteen.Many things happened before my trip to Bayeux; exteriorly my life appeared to be as usual. I studied, took lessons in drawing from Céline, and my clever teacher recognized in me an aptitude for her art. Above all, I was growing in love for God; [20] I felt within my heart certain aspirations unknown until then, and at times I had veritable transports of love.One evening, not knowing how to tell Jesus that I loved Him and how much I desired that He be loved and glorified everywhere, I was thinking He would never receive a single act of love from hell; then I said to God that to please Him I would consent to see myself plunged into hell so that He would be loved eternally in that place of blasphemy. I realized this could not give Him glory since He desires only our happiness, but when we



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