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From Céline to Thérèse - July 22, 1888

From Céline to Thérèse.

July 22, 1888

M. Martin's health improved in July. He went to Auteuil for a few weeks with his two daughters. They were uncomfortable there, and they the lease and returned to Les Buissonnets.

Sunday, July 22, 1888

My dear Thérèse,

How express my whole soul to you! You know, Sunday is some­times sad; I feel emptiness everywhere. Oh! you understand what I want to say. ... I found your copybook which speaks of heaven; I read it, but my sole consolation is to come and speak to you a little.

Do you remember the evenings in the belvedere, our long chats, our dreams of sanctity, our resolutions? We had as witnes­ses only the stars and the silvery moon. In this profound silence, there were only two souls, and what a sweet language was theirs!

Everything in the house is filled with memories of you. In the little study, the two drawers of your desk have remained intact; if you only knew what heart aches I get when I open them. Everything is arranged as you placed it, your copybooks, your books.... In my bedroom, your linen drawer has not been touched. Beloved little sister, I'm crying while writing these lines.

Yesterday evening, I believed my heart was about to break; this is with regard to poor little Father. I put a plaster poultice on him, and he told me that he wanted to take a purgative because of the dizzy spells he was experiencing. He appears so old to me now, so worn out. If you were to see him kneeling every morning at the Communion Table; he leans over, he helps himself as well as he can, and it's enough to make you weep. My heart is torn; I imagine that he will die soon. Oh! I believe I would die myself of sadness. This thought pursues me; I am always seeing him in his hour of agony, and my soul is so heavy that I can no longer breathe.

He is so good. Ah! darling, if it is only up to me to refuse him anything, this will never be true. I am going to wear myself out for him; if you only knew how much I pity him! The other day, at Paris, he would have loved to find a little bantam hen for Léonie, who had expressed the desire to have one.

However, he is affected by his condition, so I try to make him happy; I am doing the best I can.

Dear little sister, it's true that all passes, but all is so long! And now P. Pichon is preparing to go to Canada and for a long time. What a blessed moment when God will say to us: "Now it is my turn!"

It is our turn at the present moment. Ah! how necessary it is to make good use of it! Yes, there is nothing but suffering on this earth, and we must expect nothing else.

Thérèse, this letter is for you alone.

Your little sister who loves you,

Céline

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