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From Céline to sr Agnès of Jesus, Marie of the Sacred Heart and Thérèse - October 31, 1888. Fragments.

From Céline to her sisters Agnès of Jesus, Marie of the Sacred Heart and Thérèse. 31st October 1888. Fragments.

No, no words, no phrases to reiterate our anguish and heartbreaks, I feel powerless. Dear little Sisters, my suffering is so acute that, as I walked along the quay (in Honfleur), I looked enviously at the depths of the water. Ah! If I didn’t have faith, I would be capable of anything.

Léonie and I have been in agony. Such agony!

Bodily agony would have been a thousand times less painful. Today it’s not a sword but a thousand swords that come with their poisoned tips and are being thrust one after the other into the gaping wound in my heart.

…… And yet, many times did I think we were the happiest of creatures and that I personally wouldn’t exchange places with anyone, even if it were more enviable. Now that’s proof of Jesus’ love!...

It’s not a little Cross he has put on our shoulders, but his own. Like another Simon we shall help him carry it or rather we’re carrying it alone, because Jesus is withdrawing and seems not to be helping… But Heaven, Heaven!

Ah! What is even more pleasurable is not, I find, thinking of Heaven, or rest, but thinking of seeing that we’re working FOR Jesus, to console him, and win souls for him.

It’s not for us we are working, but for Him. I find immense consolation in this thought.

For him!… Ah! Is there anything we can’t give him, and unceasingly give him unto our last breath of life.

Papa seemed better about two hours after his meal. He says things that break my heart. Once (when we were in a train wagon) he hugged me so kindly calling me his “intrepid one”… Oh, how sorry I feel for Papa! I can see he is suffering VERY MUCH, his poor face today is deadly pale.

At a certain moment, he recited this passage from a poem: “Death alone for me has invincible attractions.” Then he began to sob.

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