LT 27 - To Agnes of Jesus - October 8, 1887

Saturday, October 8, '87

My dear little Sister,

Ever since Wednesday, I was looking for a chance to speak to Uncle; this morning, I had the chance. Uncle was very kind. I was afraid that, since it was a Saturday, he would not be pleased, for on that day he is very busy. On the contrary, as soon as I asked him to come, he very eagerly put down the book he was reading.

He told me that for some time he had suspected that I had something to tell him; then he went on to give me a very affec­tionate little sermon which I had expected. He told me he was very sure of my vocation, that it was not this which prevented him from allowing me to leave. It is only the world, I believe, which is the obstacle. It would be a real public scandal to see a child enter­ing Carmel; I would be the only one in all of France, etc.... However, if God wills it, He will be able to prove it. In the mean­while, Uncle told me that according to the rules of human pru­dence, I must not dream of entering before the age of seventeen or eighteen, and this will still be too soon.

Uncle told me a lot of other things along this line, but it would take too long to recount them. As you can well imagine, I did not speak to him about a date. Dear little Pauline, I am very happy that Uncle found no other obstacle but that of the world. I think that God will not be at a loss to show Uncle, when He wills to do so, that it is not the world that is going to stop Him from taking me into Carmel. You realize, dear little sister, Uncle told me very many other nice things, but I am telling you only the obstacles that he has found. Fortunately, as far as God is concerned, these obstacles don't exist.

Oh! dear Pauline, I can't tell you today all the things that fill my heart. I can't get my thoughts together. In spite of everything, I feel that I am filled with courage; I am sure that God is not go­ing to abandon me. Now, as Uncle told me, my time of trial is about to begin. Oh! pray for me; pray for your Thérèsita. You know how much she loves you; you are her confidante. I would really have to see you, but this is still a sacrifice to offer Jesus. Oh, I want to refuse Him nothing, and even though I feel sad and alone on this earth, He still remains with me. And has not St. Teresa said: "God alone suffices." . ..

Pardon me, dear Pauline, for sending you this letter or this scribbling in which the thoughts don't even follow each other. I don't even know if you will be able to read it so poorly is it written, but my heart had so many things that my pen was unable to fol­low them. Tell dear Godmother that I am thinking very much about her during her retreat. Ask her not to forget her god­daughter.
See you soon, dear sister. Once again, I really don't want to send you this letter, but I don't have the courage to begin it all over again.
Your little Thérésita
I am sending you your little penholder.
Tell dear Mother that her Thérésita loves her with all her heart.

© Washington Province of Discalced Carmelite Friars, Inc