LT 76 - To Agnes of Jesus - January 7, 1889

LT 76                  From Thérèse to Agnes of Jesus.

January 7, 1889


Jesus +

This morning, I had trouble with Sister St. Vincent de Paul; 1 went away with a heavy heart....

What do you have that is so attractive for my soul? You cannot imagine how much I am deprived by not being able to talk with you. ...

Do you understand something regarding Jesus' conduct?. . I used to tell you that children don't know what they want. Jesus is acting that way with His little ball. He has undoubtedly found that the date of the 9th was too ravishing; He wants nothing ravishing for it!.. . I really know why. It is because He alone is ravishing in the full strength of the term, and He wants to show His little ball that it would be mistaken in looking elsewhere for a shadow of beauty which it would be taking for beauty itself!. . .

How good He is to me, He who will soon be my Fiancé; how divinely lovable He is when not wanting to allow me to attach myself to ANY created thing. He knows well that if He were to give me a shadow of happiness, I would attach myself to it with all my energy, all the strength of my heart, and this shadow He is refusing me; He prefers leaving me in darkness to giving me a false light which would not be Himself!. . . Since I can't find any creature that contents me, I want to give all to Jesus, and I don't want to give to the creature even one atom of my love. My Jesus always makes me understand that He alone is perfect joy, when He appears to be absent!. ..

Today more than yesterday, if that were possible, I was deprived of all consolation. I thank Jesus, who finds this good for my soul, and that, perhaps if He were to console me, I would stop at this sweetness; but He wants that all be for Himself !. . . Well, then, all will be for Him, all, even when I feel I am able to offer nothing; so, just like this evening, I will give Him this nothing!

Although Jesus is giving me no consolation, He is giving me a peace so great that it is doing me more good!. . .

And Father's letter? ... I find it heavenly, and my heart finds many beautiful things in it, but joy? . . . Oh, no! no joy .. . joy is to be found only in suffering and in suffering without any consolation!. .

Little sister, my own Mamma, what are you going to think of your little daughter? Oh! if it were not you, I would not dare send these thoughts, the most intimate of my soul!. . . I beg you, tear up these sheets after you have read them!...

Pray for your little daughter that she may refuse Jesus not one atom of her heart.

Thérèse of the Child Jesus

© Washington Province of Discalced Carmelite Friars, Inc