From Mme Martin to her brother Isidore CF 42 - November 1, 1868.

From Mme Martin to her brother

November 1, 1868

I‘d like you to come on the 15th, but I see that won’t be. You’ll probably wait for the baptism of another baby because, whatever you say, we’re going to have another child! (Zélie was three months pregnant with Céline). That’s certain, unless something terrible happens beforehand. But if God still wants to take him from me, I pray that he doesn’t die without being baptized, so at least I’ll have the consolation of having three angels in heaven. I hope this will be the case, because I have a feeling I won’t raise this baby any more than the other two....

I’m not as sad as last Sunday. I’m not suffering as much, although I continue to have a sore throat, a headache and a constant toothache, but it’s quite bearable. My appetite is good, only I don’t sleep well. I suffer the most at night. Blood rushes to my head, and I have, one could say, a frightening appearance. Many people believe that I don’t have long to live. I hope they’re wrong because I don’t have time to die; I have too much work at the moment.

I asked the Poor Clares to pray for my father.

I’m leaving my letter to go to the cemetery, and I’ll finish it when I return. The stone should have been put in place this week. I didn’t buy a wreath; there are many graves that don’t have one. If you think it’s necessary to place one there, tell me. As for me, I would prefer to have more Masses said.

I often wish you were here so I could speak to you of my father. What a holy death he had, my poor father! ... Remember when he grasped our hand, the day before he died? How saintly he was! If God listened to me, He would welcome him in Heaven today. If it were me, I would definitely let him in! My good father was not used to suffering. As for me, I’m not afraid of going to Purgatory; suffering seems completely natural to me. If God wanted it, I would immediately make a deal to do my father’s penance in Purgatory as well as mine. I would be so content to know that he was happy!

I just returned from the cemetery. The gravestone is ready. It was done well, but the cross on top, for which we paid more, is not what I had in mind. It’s much less beautiful than the one we’d gotten for my little Joseph. It was a waste of money.


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